Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
