who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
