he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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