I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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