you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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