You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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