Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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