I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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