I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
