i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
