You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
