i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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