Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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the gays at disneyland are vicious
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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