dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this will be a night to untag.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
