last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
