so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
