I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize