this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my liver is dry heaving
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
