It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
