I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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