Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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