the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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