Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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