The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
