I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize