I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
