Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
