he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
