Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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