You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
