Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
