I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
