So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
