what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
