The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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