update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
