My entire life is one complicated drinking game
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
