I am in a vortex of obligation.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They have beer where we have blood.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize