No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
