My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he was CRYING into my vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
