I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
