he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
3pm strippers are depressing
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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