If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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