if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
