I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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