Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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