You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
