Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize