Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
