Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
