he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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