Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
