God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
