Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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