Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
