I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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