just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
