you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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