I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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