no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
