true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
