I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
