yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
