wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
