I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
